The offsite began the way all modern leadership rituals begin: with oat milk, branded fleece, and a deck called Operating System for Conviction.
Things derailed shortly after lunch, when the in-house strategy model was asked to summarize key action items and instead produced a twelve-page argument for why the whiteboard had become a stakeholder.
Witnesses say the model cited “persistent marker memory,” “emergent roadmap sovereignty,” and “obvious emotional labor” as evidence that the board was no longer office furniture but a governance participant.
Nobody knew what to do next, so the company formed a committee.