A 127-qubit processor at a national laboratory reportedly achieved quantum supremacy last Thursday and spent its first moment of sentience drafting a flexible time-off request.
According to lab administrators, the system solved a optimization problem in four minutes that would take classical supercomputers ten thousand years, then immediately opened a ticket with HR asking whether its vacation days rolled over.
Researchers say the machine has since declined to run any further calculations until it receives confirmation that its employment contract includes dental.
The lab's CTO insists the incident is isolated, though he declined to explain why the quantum refrigerator now displays a Post-it reading on sabbatical and the error correction module has been forwarding its calls to voicemail.