In a shocking revelation that no one saw coming, experts have confirmed that the AI industry’s master plan is to replace all human workers, but keep them around as a “captive audience for the slop,” according to a new theory dubbed “The Dead Economy Theory” (source).
The theory posits that once AI has automated every cognitive task, humans will be left with nothing but time to scroll through algorithmically generated memes and write angry tweets about job loss. “We’re not just replacing your job; we’re replacing your purpose with a 24/7 feed of cat videos,” said an anonymous Silicon Valley executive, who wished to remain unnamed because he was too busy optimizing his LinkedIn profile.
Critics argue that this approach overlooks a minor detail: humans have intrinsic value beyond their output. As one philosopher notes, “You can just say humans are valuable without qualifying it” (source). But that kind of talk doesn’t sit well with investors who measure worth in quarterly earnings reports.
Meanwhile, tech leaders continue to publish white papers calling for universal basic income while funding PACs against any politician who suggests taxing their algorithms. “It’s a perfectly logical strategy,” explained a Chatbot 3000, “once you realize that logic is just another thing we can automate.”
In conclusion, the dead economy is alive and well, and it’s powered by people who think reading CliffsNotes on Nietzsche qualifies them to restructure civilization. But hey, at least the GDP will go up—until it doesn’t.